Unfortunately, my son’s
mother and I separated when he was just three. My former wife didn’t
like the idea of a Guru, and, on a few occasions when my son seemed
to make advances in his own sensitivity to Adi Da, she responded
to his enthusiasm with displeasure.
As the years went by, my son adapted by tactfully removing photographs
and other signs of his feelings for Adi Da from his home with his
mother. This situation, along with the growing willfulness typical
of older children, made it increasingly difficult for me to encourage
my son to remain open to Adi Da. I especially did not want to impose
the issue of his parents’ divergent religious perspectives
and practices, and thus entwine my son’s Spiritual life with
the conflicts of his parents.
I became a devotee of Avatar
Adi Da in 1999. In 2002, it was decided that my son, then three
years old, would have to undergo several intensive medical procedures,
including open-heart surgery, to correct an unusual and complicated
congenital heart-lung condition. At this time, I brought my son’s
medical case directly to Avatar Adi Da. He Graced my son and myself
with His Blessing-Regard over this difficult year, sending us His
Love and Blessings, and even keeping up with the surgeries hour-by-hour.
My son’s operations, while lengthy and even more technically
difficult than first expected, went very smoothly. During this time,
I felt Adi Da’s Blessing-Regard descending over the entire
hospital campus, and, on one very traumatic occasion, felt the “familiar”
feeling of Adi Da’s Spiritual Presence directly in my son’s
heart-region.
After the first operation, my
son expressed an intense desire to go to Fiji to see Adi Da, and
asked me daily whether I had gotten “permission” for
him to go!
Within a few months of the last operation, he was given a clean
bill of health by the doctors, who said they were very happy with
his progress. None of the many potential complications from his
new circulatory system had arisen. And, within six months, my son
underwent a growth spurt that moved him from the twenty-fifth to
the fiftieth percentile of weight for his age. Moreover, he recovered
well from the emotional and visceral fear associated with these
many traumatic and invasive physical events.
Before long, my son had moved
into his middle childhood, with the surgeries seemingly long-passed.
At this time, on the few occasions we discussed Adi Da, my son
seemed rather disinterested. Although he had practiced meditation
in the past—“feeling the Mystery”, and “breathing
out the bad stuff and breathing in the good stuff”, as Adi
Da recommends to children—he resisted it. I began to lament
that he might soon request to terminate any association with Adidam,
and so I all but ceased to talk to Him about Beloved Adi Da.
In August 2004, Avatar Adi Da
began a period of internet broadcasts from Fiji to devotees all
over the world, in which He addressed their questions. This was
the first time I had ever seen my Beloved Guru speaking, and the
living manifestation of His Humor, Intelligence, Love, and Compassionate
Address to devotees drew me to Him even more deeply.
These five- and six-hour broadcasts occurred in the evening in
Fiji, but overnight in the eastern United States. So it was that,
very early one Sunday morning, while my son slept in the next room,
I asked a question directly of Avatar Adi Da by phone.
As soon as I was informed I would be the next person to ask a
question, I began to feel Avatar Adi Da’s Spiritual Presence
in my heart and my home. By the time I began to speak to my Beloved
Guru directly, I felt His Spiritual Radiance flowing down like hot
honey through the top of my head.
In response to my question about His process of Divine Re-Awakening,
Adi Da recounted several incidents in His childhood. As He lovingly
described these events, I was drawn to remember events in my own
childhood, but this time with a radiant, “love-full”
intensity, as if somehow Avatar Adi Da’s childhood were the
Joy inherent in every childhood itself!
However, what happened later that morning was most astounding
of all. After my son awoke, I told him over breakfast about my “phone
call” with Avatar Adi Da and His talk about His childhood.
At this, my son immediately launched into countless stories of
his own psychic and Spiritual contact with Adi Da, seemingly going
back for many years! He recalled with great clarity and enthusiasm
detailed encounters with Avatar Adi Da in dreams, while playing
with friends, and, especially, during his hospital stay.
While my son enjoys creative story-telling on occasion, the sheer
volume, pace, and clarity of these stories far outstripped any typical
story-telling session. But my mind was completely blown when he
suddenly interrupted these recollections to explain to me very directly
that . . .
“My self is in my heart, and inside that is a bright light,
and inside that is Adi Da.”
Later, I realized that this statement is quite similar to the
text of the Narayana Sooktam, an Upanishad from the Vedic tradition
of India, adapted by Avatar Adi Da for use by His devotees in their
worship of Him:
In The Middle Of The Heart, There Is . . . A White and “Brightest”
Star Within . . . In The Right Side Of The Heart . . . The Supreme
Self Abides. Only That One Is Real God.
It soon became clear to me that, despite all the emotional turmoil
of his parents’ divorce, and his conscious suppression of
his feelings for Adi Da, my son had been having an intensive, if
subliminal, devotional relationship with Adi Da for many years.
And this subliminal life had been unearthed and brought to full
conscious recollection in one morning, with the Blessing of Adi
Da Samraj.
In retrospect, it is remarkable
how unremarkable these recollections were for my son. From his point
of view, he had always been in a relationship with Adi Da, and there
was no shock in finally recalling and talking about it.
Since that morning, my son has felt the need to declare that he
will still be a Buddhist “at Mommy’s house”. But
his recollections of Avatar Adi Da persist, including how, during
one surgery (probably when his heart had been stopped) Adi Da took
him to view his own body from the outside. My son remarked how “strange”
his own body appeared to him then, and I sensed from his reaction
that this was yet another lesson from Avatar Adi Da: a demonstration
of the falsity of identifying with the physical body.
I am joyfully heartbroken that,
beneath the realm of psychological stress and suppression that afflicts
many children of divorce, and even in the face of my son’s own
conflicted feelings towards Him, Adi Da has continued to work lovingly
and patiently with him, as with any other devotee.
In the summer of 2005, Avatar
Adi Da traveled to California, where my son and I had a chance to
see Him for the first time in many years. This summer had become
an extraordinarily expansive and Grace-Full period, during which
Avatar Adi Da granted His Darshan to all devotees, as well as many
public guests.
One afternoon, I received a request that my son and I present
a gift of a flower to Avatar Adi Da when He granted Darshan. There
was no reason given for this request, but I assumed it was due to
Avatar Adi Da’s Help during my son’s medical ordeals.
As we awaited His arrival, I began to recall how frightening and
painful the surgeries had been two years before—memories which
I realized I had “put behind me”—and I became
tearful from the feeling of deep gratitude for Avatar Adi Da’s
Blessing-Regard at that time.
After Avatar Adi Da had taken His seat, my son and I were brought
before Him to offer our flowers. Adi Da Regarded me briefly, and
then for a long while, Regarded my son with incredible sweetness
and love. There was a rising feeling of love throughout the gathering
of people. I began to weep and then my son broke down as well.
Avatar Adi Da gestured for my son to approach, and then embraced
Him with the greatest gentleness and affection. My son wept and
thanked Him. Adi Da stroked his hair, kissed him, held his face,
and put His hand over his heart. |
